Below are sample essays I have received from your classmates. For each essay, I'll post at least a couple examples of papers with my comments so that you get a sense of what I am looking for. I intend my comments to be constructive, and they may sound harsh or sometimes appear sarcastic, but I read these drafts trying to be a typical reader, giving a sentence-by-sentence run-down of what's going through my head. In essence I am having a mental dialog with these papers, and my comments range from notes about the content and structure to grammar and usage.
Receiving my monogrammed white lab coat was a rite of passage for me. It represented the confirmation that I’ve entered a world where I can scrupulously investigate the delicate intricacies of the brain and nervous system. It’s a world where I witness firsthand the transformation of raw ideas, that were once a mere hybrid of curiosity and prior knowledge, into pending solutions for the tribulations that plague humanity. Eight researchers in my lab are female. These intelligent, passionate women are beacons of achievement in their respective fields. Their example both challenges and humbles me. They invest in my scientific future through every moment they spend with me. I hope that someday I’m able to repay that investment by further proving the point that women belong in laboratories and scientific institutions, where they can excel. I would like to banish, once and for all, the misguided mindsets about where a woman’s “place” should be. In the meantime, I’ll be in the lab.
Last evening, I went to see the Jumbo Circus with my friends. The show started at six 'o'clock in the evening. First of all, jugglers came on the stage and performed their tricks. Then came some dwarfs who made everybody laugh with their funny tricks. After this, there was an elephant show. All elephants moved in a circle and showed different tricks. Then there was a horse show. The horses jumped through big hooplas on the stage. After this, there was a ten minutes break where all of us had some coffee and popcorns. After the break, the show began and the acrobats performed swinging in the air all over the stage. The show ended by nine 'o'clock. All of us returned to our home. It was fun watching the circus.